Boiling pasta, taking a shower, washing dishes, flushing the toilet, brushing your teeth, conducting that laundry mission on the weekend. What do all these have in common? That's right.......water. We Homo sapiens can't live without it, and we Alaskans, believe it or not, are no different. And yes, that includes the interior version of said species (By interior, I mean up north, the really cold part of the state).

Usually, people get their water for their homes from one of two sources, a private well, or by way of connection to the city water supply. Not here in Fairbanks.....at least not everyone, and a considerable percentage at that. Ever hear of a Water Wagon (It's actually Water Wagon, LLC)? The Water Wagon is the best friend of people who's houses are not connected to a conventional water source, but still have running water (you'd be surprised to know how many people up here live in "dry" dwellings). Instead, these folks have holding tanks (either underground or in their basement) they've got to keep filled in order to accomplish all those chores that require agua.


The Water Wagon is where locals wait in line after work to fill their tanks in the back of their trucks. It's like any other stop....the post office, grocery store, picking up little Elizabeth and Franky from school. Whether you're haulin' 200 gallons in your dilapidated Toyota Tacoma or 500+ in your fancy new diesel flatbed, you stop at the Wagon and pay your 1.8 cents per gallon for a fill of, you guessed it, city water. Then it's a mad dash for home before the valve on the tank freezes and you can't get it open to drain it into your holding tank (at least this is the case in January when it's 40 below...imagine having a couple thousand pound ice cube in the back of your vehicle and no garage to thaw it in).

What's that? You drive a Pinto? Oh, so you're getting your water the expensive way!! It's 8 cents a gallon for delivery, with an 850-gallon minimum. Just give Water Wagon a call and they'll send this big sucker and his hose to your house to pump you full! (below)


OK, it's easy to understand people living too far away from the city's water system, but why not just dig a well right? Not so fast. The combination of high arsenic levels, low well yields, per-foot costs to drill, and well depths as far as 600 feet make for a cost analysis that favors the holding tank way of life in most situations, at least that's the case here in Fairbanks and the surrounding area.

Alaskanism #3: Water Wagon.

Breakup.

Outside of Alaska, the term 'breakup' can have many meanings. For an Alaskan resident, however; one image leaps to mind. Dirty! Yep. Breakup = Dirty. Dirty breakups.

Okay, let me give you a little back-story, because I can see that you're lost. Or at least misled. First off, 'breakup' means the time of spring when stuff starts thawing (think of ice breaking-up). I know what you're thinking now. Pristine Alaskan air. Snowcapped mountains. Little trickles of water starting to flow in high-mountain streams. Birds chirping. The air actually starting to carry the scent of plant life - conifers. Nice, right?

I hate to pop your bubble, but for the huge number of residents who live in Anchorage or other cities, Alaska can be a very dirty place. Dirty overused paper money. Dirty bars. Dirty workers. Sometimes dirty air. And the dirtiest time in these dirty little Alaskan cities is breakup. I want you to picture half-a-year's worth of sand and gravel that had been liberally spread on the streets for traction. (if you were to cut into a roadside snowbank, you'd see a layer-cake of strata showing snowstorm/road sanding/snowstorm/more sanding...). Now add to this, cast off pop bottles, Big Mac cartons, cigarette butts, dog shit, etc. All nicely concealed during the winter under a beautiful blanket of pure looking white snow.

Until breakup.

Now imagine melting snow banks that are black with road grime. Seasoned with trash. Runoff flowing into the streets. The storm drain grates, by the way, are still plugged with ice. Pools of muddy cold water starting to form. Now add rush-hour traffic. Thousands of cars and trucks churning this mud-mix into an aerosol. Windshield wipers constantly going in an effort to see where you're driving! Washer fluid sold out at many stores.

Breakup! Are you starting to get the picture? Yikes! The scene above must be one of the Alaska Tourism industry's most closely guarded secrets. Right up there with oil drilling on parklands, and the definition of the word Oosik!

And guess what people. Breakup is almost here.

Our first Alaskanism? Moose Nuggets.

Have you heard this quaint expression before? Moose nuggets. Any Alaskan will recognize them on sight. Yes, I'm talking about moose shit. Just think 'rabbit pellet-zilla' Moose nuggets are an iconic part of life here in Alaska. These little gems are as much at home in a snow-covered front yard, as they are riding atop a swizzle stick (you know.... the plastic stick things you stir your gin & tonics with?), shining in lacquered splendor in any number of Anchorages finest tourist shoppes. How about the faux lipstick tubes one shelf over? (picture a shotgun shell spray-painted gold with a moose turd stuffed in the end). Niiiice. And you'd better sit down for this.... Click here to check out a unique backpacker's stove. It's designed to burn sticks, leaves, and um... anything that happens to be laying around. And I have read about thru-hikers burning moose nuggets in this thing! Bon appetit!